


I'll Be Home for Christmas

by GentleHum



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Burnt Christmas Cookies, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Gay Space Dads, Joike, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Possible Misuse of Benadryl, Post-Canon, Spoiled Rotten Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 13:16:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17142443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentleHum/pseuds/GentleHum
Summary: There's always a special feeling in the air on Christmas Eve, even when you spend it quietly, at home, with the ones you think you just might love.





	I'll Be Home for Christmas

“Wow,” Joel remarked as he descended the stairs, “I didn’t expect those two to settle down that quickly on Christmas Eve, let alone fall asleep.” He looked over at Gypsy, innocently knitting in the rocking chair, her coils curled around the rungs. “You wouldn’t have put anything in their eggnog, would you Gyps?” he asked, as Mike came into the room nearly staggering under the load of gifts the large robot had stashed in her basement room when she arrived a few days previously. 

“This is the last of them, Gypsy. You spoil Tom and Crow!” Mike deposited the gifts as carefully as he could on the growing mound under, and now around, their tree. “I don’t know where we’re going to fit our gifts.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about, Joel,” she answered primly, as she powered down her robotic arm attachments, which detached and settled into her knitting tote. “But I do know that you guys had better get started on making sure Santa Claus visits. Those little buggers are going to be up early tomorrow morning despite enough Benadryl to knock out a horse.” Having made it to the couch, Mike chuckled as he started on the plate of cookies the bots insisted on leaving out for Santa.

Joel put his hands on his hips mock-disapprovingly. “Benadryl and alcohol? Gypsy, you really shouldn’t have.”

“You can thank me tomorrow morning when you get more than an hour of sleep after you finish with their gifts.” She rose from her chair and slithered over to Mike. “As for all those packages, I took a hint from an old invention exchange back on the satellite, and wrapped all the parts of their gifts separately. You know those boys; they have just as much fun ripping them open as they do finding out what’s inside.” She leaned over to give Mike a peck on the head. “It’s time for me to turn in as well, and leave you two alone – and no peeking to find out what you’re getting, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Mike and Joel chorused together. Mike patted the purple robot on her large head before she turned to envelope Joel in a hug. He returned it, then stepped back and looked at Gypsy skeptically.

“Are you sure you’re all right down in the basement, honey? I’m sorry I didn’t get the drywall in your room finished and paint-”

“Joel, shush. It’s fine! I’m fine. Are you going to do this every night?”

“Probably,” mumbled Mike through a mouthful of snickerdoodle. “You know how he worries.”

“Well, knock it off! If I need something, I’ll ask for it.”

“Cambot, you can turn in, too. We’ve got it from here,” Joel said. Cambot blurped rudely in response. “I’ve got a hot tip that Santa has something for you in his bag, but you hafta be asleep for him to come.” Joel swore that the little robot gave him the stink-eye for a moment before bobbing in a shrug and heading over to Gypsy with an inquisitive beep. 

“Sure, Cambot, we have a lot to catch up on! Good night, Joel! Good night Mike! Merry Christmas Eve!” Gypsy warbled, wiggling out of the room with Cambot floating behind. 

“Night, Gyps!” Mike called out. Joel followed out to the kitchen and returned in a moment with two glasses and a bottle of Evan Williams. “I saved this for us. Too good to waste in eggnog.” He flipped the light switch off, leaving the glow of the Christmas tree lights as the only illumination in the room.

“I’ll say,” Mike agreed as he sat up. “I’m not sure it’s a good match for burnt sugar cookie with too many sprinkles, though.”

“You’re gonna be up half the night with indigestion as well as angst.” 

“Oh no. You’re the official assembler in this household. He who owns the tools gets to use them.”

Joel poured each of them a middlish amount, then handed Mike his glass and sat next to him. “Any toast?”

“To Happy Days’ Donny Most?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. How ‘bout ‘Merry Christmas’?”

“That works.”

The two just sat quietly, sipping their whiskey, savoring the silence. After a few minutes, Mike sighed. “I guess I should bring the gifts in. Time’s a-wasting, as Grandma used to say.”

Joel laid his hand on Mike’s arm. “There’s plenty of it yet. Let’s just enjoy this for a minute. We have so little quiet time to ourselves.” He looked around. “Where did that mistletoe go? The bit that Tom and Crow were fighting about before?”

“In the trash. But you don’t need mistletoe if you’re thinking about kissing anyone.” 

“You’re assuming I’m talking about you? That’s pretty bold.”

“But true,” Mike pointed out as he leaned over and, for once, landed his lips squarely on his partner’s. After only a few moments, Joel’s lips opened, and he tasted the oaky, vaguely peppery bourbon taste clinging to Mike’s tongue. They explored each other’s mouths, lips caressing, until Joel broke the kiss, turning his head away.

“Wow,” he said, feeling a little overcome. He sat the almost empty glass down on the coffee table. “That stuff’s stronger than I thought it was.”

“It’s not the whiskey making you woozy, it’s my overwhelming charisma,” Mike quipped as he drained his portion. 

“You’re not wrong,” Joel said under his breath. That earned him a side glance and a quick grin from Mike, who sat back on the cushions and let his fingers draw lazy trails on the back of Joel’s neck above the sweatshirt collar. 

“So...do you want to go on? It’s up to you...” There was a longing in Mike’s voice that he tried to disguise with his casual tone. Joel winced internally. Too many times they had started something, only to have the bots interrupt, or someone get distracted, or, too often, his nerves call a halt to the proceedings before he forgot himself. He wished he could be as open and giving with his body to Mike as the man was to him, but the voice of his grandfather’s preaching echoed in his brain, about perversions and sin and hellfire. 

Tonight was different, though. Maybe the bourbon had dulled his senses – no, judging by the bulge in his jeans from the short make-out session, his physical senses were doing just fine. Tonight he wanted to give back to Mike just a little of what the man gave to him, how he made him lose himself.

Joel turned and looked at Mike for a moment. It was hard to read his eyes in the odd-colored light, but his tongue came out for just a second to moisten his slightly swollen lips. Joel felt the pull deep within.

“Lay back,” he whispered, pushing at Mike’s shoulders. Confusion flickered across Mike’s features as he resisted the pressure. “Please. For me. Let me, tonight.” Joel thought his voice sounded whiny, almost, but Mike’s eyes darkened.

“Are you sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been.” Joel leaned in and flicked his tongue over Mike’s upper lip. The smallest sigh escaped Mike’s mouth as he sank back, head resting on the arm of the sofa. He held his arms out to Joel.

“Come here.” It was an order, not a request, and Joel was more than happy to stretch out on top of his partner. As he settled in, Mike braced himself with his right foot on the floor, and the sudden meeting of his area with Joel’s proved the larger man was just as interested, and excited. Joel’s instinct took over, and he started to grind, to gain as much contact as possible. Mike groaned, and Joel knew he was doing the right thing. Their mouths met again, and again, until Mike broke away for a moment. A fine sheen of sweat glistened on his brow.

“Can I take my shirt off? It’s getting kinda warm in here.”

“Of course. May I take something off too?” Joel asked playfully.

“You don’t have to ask-” Mike paused as he pulled the henley over his head, “-I like you half naked.”

“I like you better all naked.” Joel swiftly pulled Mike’s sweatpants and underwear down as far as he could. “Lift your butt up so I can get these off.”

“What’s gotten into you? You’re not usually this aggressive, not that I’m complaining.”

“Booze and lust, maybe not in that order. I want to make you happy, Mike.” Joel couldn’t resist burying his face for a moment in Mike’s chest. He loved the texture of his hair there, loved the way it was thicker and darker than he’d expected it to be before he first saw Mike shirtless. He pulled back and swept his hand through the thatch, gently swiping across a nipple. Mike arched and moaned. A flicker of jealousy crossed Joel’s mind. He wished he had such sensitive nipples as Mike. The memories were distant, but he didn’t think the few women he had been with had even been as responsive, or maybe it was just because he was young and didn’t know what he was doing. He still didn’t know what he was doing, but Mike never complained, never pushed for more, even when Joel could plainly tell he was longing for something.

“Keep that up and you’re going to make me very happy in a few minutes.” Mike reached out for Joel’s waist. “Will you join me? May I?”

“Let me...” Joel stood up and undid his jeans, a small sigh of relief escaping as he stepped out of them. He looked down at Mike, sprawled across the sofa, his cock hard and waiting, and again the voice in his head whispered of evil and doom. He squeezed his eyes shut for a minute.

“Am I that hard to look at?” Mike chuckled. Joel’s eyes snapped open.

“No,” he answered, voice thick. “I want you so much sometimes I can’t stand it. I want to give you so much but-”

“No buts. Come here.”

“Tonight is supposed to be for you.”

“It already is. Lay down with me. Please?”

Joel lowered himself carefully, as Mike’s penis brushed against his thigh. “May I?” Mike whispered. Joel nodded, and Mike pushed down the boxer briefs to release Joel’s erection. He gripped it for only a moment, not moving his hand, just gentle pressure, the lightest squeezing. It was Joel’s turn to moan. Mike released him, and pulled his head down into another deep, searching kiss.

The two lovers kissed and caressed, their bodies melted together. Joel’s lips left Mike’s mouth and traveled down the side of his jaw, his neck, his Adam's apple, eliciting faint whimpers. Mike’s arms were firmly around his waist, pulling him tight as their hips rolled and thrust, their penises trapped between their bodies, rubbing against each other in mounting pleasure. Joel gathered his remaining wits together. Mike’s nipples were as sensitive as a woman’s, would he respond…?

He ducked his head and tentatively licked over the right one. Mike choked back a cry. Guess that was a yes. “More?” Joel murmured.

“God yes please!”

Joel licked, at first gently and then with increasing pressure, and pleasure, as he tried to match some of his tongue’s movements with his fingers on Mike’s other nipple. For his part, Mike was doing his best to keep as quiet as possible, whimpers and moans escaping as his thrusting grew stronger, more rhythmic. Joel almost forgot his own pleasure until Mike pushed him back a little, gasping. “I’m too close.”

“I want you to come.”

Mike shuddered and looked at Joel, his eyes deep and darkened. “Together. We do it together.” He reached down between their bodies. “Shift up a little, yeah, now lean back a bit, gimme some room...there.” Mike’s hand brought their cocks together, closed around them as much as he could. “Give me your hand?”

“What?”

“Shift back, put your weight on your knees,” Mike ordered, removing his hand and grabbing Joel’s. “We’re doing this together.” He put Joel’s hand on their cocks, then partially covered it with his own, and started moving them, together, in long, slow moves.

Joel felt like he was out of his body, floating away on waves of sensation. Mike’s hand guided his in firm strokes up and down their cocks, the pace steady. Joel’s free hand wandered over every part of Mike’s bare skin he could reach, reveling in the texture, the warmth, the knowledge that Mike wanted to be touched by him. His hips were moving almost by themselves, thrusting into their joined hands, as the pressure and tension spiralled upwards. Mike was matching his thrusts, maximizing the contact, the sofa creaking slightly under their combined weight.

“Joel? Joel?” Mike’s croaking whisper almost brought him back to himself. 

“Yeah?” he managed to choke out. He was so close...

“I’m gonna come soon. Are you close?”

“Sssso clossse...don’t ssstop...” He pitched forward, face next to Mike’s, incoherent whimpers of pleasure escaping.

“Hang on,” Mike whispered, grip tightening. “Let it come.”

Joel’s hand faltered as his orgasm swept up from his loins. His shudders were accompanied by his gasps as the pleasure flowed through every nerve and fiber of his being, and dimly he was aware of a sudden slickness. Mike groaned into his mouth - “oh, fuuuuck.” He looked down in the dim light to see his cum glistening on Mike’s hand as it pumped the both of them together. “Gonna cum...so hard...” Mike gasped as his hand spread Joel’s wetness over the heads of their cocks, squeezing them together. The pressure, and pleasure, was so intense Joel tried to pull away. Mike was having none of that and drew his partner to him with his free arm in an iron grip. “Fuck...fuck...fuck...ohh God...” At the first hint of his yell Joel clamped his mouth over Mike’s, swallowing his cry of ecstasy as the big man’s body tried to curl in on itself before his hips thrust wildly. Joel somehow took over the pumping as spurt after spurt of Mike’s essence joined Joel’s on their hands, Mike now the one shaking with orgasmic spasms. In a few eternal moments, it was over. Joel collapsed onto Mike, both panting, coming down from their high. A few minutes, possibly hours later Joel idly lifted his hand to his face. It was coated in their combined juices. Mike’s eyes slitted open. Joel gave him a smile, popped his wet index finger into his mouth, and sucked.

Mike’s eyes widened, then he grinned. “What do you think?”

“Hmm...” Joel narrowed his eyes. “Piquant. Want a taste?” He waved his hand an inch in front of Mike’s mouth. Mike grabbed it, looked Joel full in the eyes, and slowly licked from the wrist, over the palm, to the tip of the middle finger, then just as slowly sucked said finger into his mouth.

Joel’s cock, surprisingly, stirred. “That’s...nice,” he breathed.

Mike removed his mouth. “I prefer it straight from the tap.” His eyes danced.

“That can be arranged.” Joel took a deep breath as memories flooded back, and exhaled. “Maybe...maybe you could...teach me? I seem to be acquiring a taste for you.” He hoped Mike couldn’t make out his blush in the weird Christmas light glow.

“Only if you want to. I want it to be good for you, too, if we do that.”

“It’s always good with you. Every time I think it can’t get any better, and it does.” Joel sat up, his knees and other joints popping. “Ugggh. What a mess.”

“We’ve got to get started on the toys. You go upstairs and clean up.” Mike grabbed his discarded shirt off the back of the sofa and wiped his hand off, then his stomach. He started to rise.

“Wait a minute,” Joel said, then hesitated. He had to find a way to say this.

“We’ve been together almost a year, and...sometimes I don’t think you really know how I feel about you.” Joel glanced away. He wasn’t any good at this stuff. “I’m so glad you agreed to move here with the ‘bots. I didn’t really know how much I wanted a family of my own until I was back here on Earth without one. And when you called last Thanksgiving, I...I...oh, I don’t know. I can’t find the words.”

“I think I know what you’re saying,” Mike smiled as he took Joel’s hand and squeezed it. “I didn’t know how much I wanted a family of _my_ own until I found one up on the Satellite. And spending Christmas with you in New York last year was...well, I knew Gypsy had something up her sleeve.”

“If it wasn’t for those meddling kids-”

Mike’s rare full-throated laugh, exuberant and boundless, rang out. 

“Shhh! You’ll wake them up! We’ve gotta get dressed!” Joel stood up and pulled his briefs back up, noticing the large wet spot on the front of his sweatshirt. He grimaced and grabbed for his discarded jeans. Mike reached for his hand. 

“Honey, relax. We’ve got this. Tom and Crow are sleeping. Gypsy and Cambot are in the basement. Our family is all here, under one roof.” Mike shook his head and looked down for a minute. “Our family.” He looked back up at Joel, still holding his hand. “Thank you, Joel. Thank you for sharing your family with me. Thank you for letting me into your life.” His eyes glistened in the low light.

Joel wished he was good with words, wished he could tell Mike exactly how the man made him feel inside, like he was finally good enough. He squeezed his hand, the hand that had so recently swept him away, the hand of the man he wanted to be with more than anything else in the world. What came out of his mouth surprised him, but it felt right. So right.

“I love you, Mike Nelson. Welcome home.”

Mike’s smile beamed brighter than a thousand suns. “I love you, Joel Robinson. Merry Christmas.”

**Author's Note:**

> They're two doughy, middle-aged, thoroughly midwestern white guys, but they had to say it to each other sometime, didn't they? Fan service to myself.
> 
> For the record, Joel Hodgson's grandfather was a Baptist preacher. Joel once said in an interview that as a child, he was afraid he'd get the call and have to be a preacher, too. 
> 
> Gypsy's robotic arms come from a piece of fan art I saw many years ago, of her knitting the famous JOIKE sweater. She's the genius head of a multinational corporation, I'm sure she figured out arms somewhere along the way.
> 
> Tremendous thanks again to Tumblr user FontOnAScreen, who invented, I think, the Gay Space Dads suburban universe, and the idea of Tom and Crow's burnt sugar cookies for Santa. Sprinkles are just like glitter, only for food, right? 
> 
> Thanks also to @myrthrilmercury, who inspired me to write some very loving Joike smut. I hope this lives up to her high standards.
> 
> And thanks to all of you who continue to find value in the stories of Joel and Mike and their unconventional family and friends. Maybe next time it won't take me a year to work through the writer's block.


End file.
